Thursday, February 17, 2011

Birthers And Truthers: I Love You, Guys!

I do not believe the federal government is responsible for the horror and tragedy of 9/11. I believe the 3000+ that died that horrible day were murdered by Islamic extremists.

I am certain that Barack Hussein Obama, our Dear Leader, was born in the United States.

I think most of the people who subscribe to either conspiracy theory has a touch of mental illness.


I just love me some Birthers and Truthers!

Now, I'm sure there will be some who think I have drinking problem, like PMSNBC's Chris Mattews. There will be some that think I took bong hit after bong hit with Bill "Caligula" Clinton. (I promise! No one inhaled!) There will some I've had a mental break down and I am now a moron like Ed "The Red" Schultz. (Hat Tip: The Great One, Mark Levin) No, True Believer, there is nothing with Absolutely Nobama. He's just fine, fit as a fiddle! (Which is a good thing, if, for some wacky reason, Obamacare(less) is ever found Constitutional, care will be rationed and it may very well take years to see a doctor.)

The reason why I love the Birthers and Truthers is the fact that these bizarre conspiracies prove that I am not insane. The American public does fear the government and its potential for tyranny. Americans do not want a "fundamental transformation" of the United States. The very fact that people believe that the Big Mommy Regime is capable of mass murder is proof that Americans still have a healthy distrust of government, which is a cornerstone of patriotic thought. The very fact there are people who find Chairman Obama's socialistic views so foreign and so distateful that they're forced to conclude that he was born in another country is a good thing. Yes, I know, I'm spreading hatred and paranoia, my Glenn Beck tinfoil hat is too tight, yeah, I'm late for my Bircher Society meeting, blah, blah, blah. However, unlike the fired Keith Olbermann, I don't bloviate just to hear myself bloviate. I use my head for more than a hat rack. I can actually put together a coherent thought, unlike Rachel Maddcow.

Here's a good project idea for those of you out there wasting valuable time and money pursuing a degree in sociology: Go out and ask 100 random people their theories about 9/11 and where the Failed Messiah was born. I'm willing to bet you'll get 100 different answers on both crackpot theories. Why ? Most Americans are not politicos. They wouldn't know an earmark from earwax. Not only that, most Americans are too busy raising their kids, working, or in Detroit, wating in line for "Obama money". (I mean, really, which would you rather watch: Top Chef or Meet The Depressed ?) In other words, they don't spend their every waking moment thinking about politics and wouldn't care what a Truther or Birther was. ( Just so you know: I don't mean to sound like a Holier Than Thou lib, nor am I calling anyone stupid. Facts are facts. Too many Americans have become apathetic.) It would be a sampling that most pollsters shoot for. I promise you, sociology bottom feeder, you'll get an "A" and I'm sure you'll get invited to your professor's after class Oxy party! And, you'll see that I'm right. Everyone walks away a winner!

Yes, we can laugh at the finger sniffer Truthers and the medless Birthers, but we must respect the societal passions that drive these public neuroses. No, the federal government didn't kill 3,000 innocent people on 9/11. But this is a government that will steal your money, take your guns, and grope you at will at airports. Is that not terrifying ? Is that not a form of evil to be feared ? No, Barack Huessein Obama wasn't born in Kenya, but does he not share the same views of most foreigners ? Did he not express his approval for the Ground Zero mosque at an Iftar dinner ? Did he not bow to foreign monarchs in Saudi Arabia and Japan ? Did he not call America "arrogant and dismissive" ? Are these the acts of a patriot ? Sure, actual Birtherism and Trutherism border on the legal definition of insanity, but the societal passions that created these urban legends are on the mark. To quote V from V for Vendetta: "There is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there ?" Indeed, in America, there is.

If I've said it once, I've said a thousand times: We no longer live in times where we can shrug our shoulders and say: "Nah. That couldn't be true". We live in times that force us to say: "That would really suck if it were true, and what the hell is he writing on that blackboard, anyway ?"

God help us all.


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Absolutely Nobama said...

Thanks, pal! Your site is none to shabby, either. I sparked one up and...oops, too much info! I laughed my ass off! Awesome!