Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Clever, Dear Leader....

But not clever enough.
Ok, everyone! Put on those tinfoil Glenn Beck hats! It's Let's Connect The Dots time!
There's a lot more than oil leaking in the Bay of Rigs. With each gallon that bleeds from the earth, We The People bleed another drop of freedom. I know, I know, I'm another teabagging, racist homophobe, but there's a question that needs to be asked, regardless of the wishes of the Big Mommy regime. (We're on to you, Inner Party Member Sunstein.) Without further ado, here it is:
  • What will happen when Blundering Pencilnecks (BP) have to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection ?

Now, I know there's not whole lot of sympathy out there for Blundering Pencilnecks, and you can count me among those who want to see Tony Haywood, Blundering Pencilnecks' head honcho, share a cell with Bernie Madoff. However, poop-ulist rhetoric rarely solves anything, as the election of Barack Hussein Obama has proven. We The People are about to become We The Dependent on Government For Every Blessed Thing. The federal government is about to take over the oil industry and they're doing it on the back of Blundering Pecilnecks.
I sincerely hope the scenario I'm going to present is disproven. I sincerely hope I'm wrong. However, we no longer live in a time where we can sit back and say, "It can't happen here". We now live in a time when we are obliged to say, "Well, I certainly hope that's not true."
We live in dark times, indeed.
My doomsday tale goes something like this: Blundering Pencilnecks won't be able to keep up with the pressure of coughing up cash for the disaster fund and deal with the wave of lawsuits that are to come in the weeks and months ahead. Thus, they will become insolvent. David Cameron, the British Prime Minster, will instantly blame Chairman Obama, as will the rest of the European Union. The insolvency of Blundering Pencilnecks will wreak havoc on the British economy which will make the finacial crisis in Europe instantly worse since the British economy is the glue that keeps the EU in one piece in the first place. A panic will set in that will spook the European and American markets alike.
Naturally, both the G8 and the International Monetary Fund will become highly annoyed. This sort of chaos is intolerable for the Euro-Elites who run these outfits. Thus, the IMF, who gets a good chunk of its funding from the United States, will suggest that the Big Mommy Regime bail out Blundering Pencilnecks so Europe doesn't degenerate into the Europe of 1939.  Like a collection of bobble-heads, the Big Mommy Regime will agree to the bail out, since it will be a great way to get a foot hold in the oil industry. Tax payer money will flow into Blundering Pencilnecks' coffers. Chairman Obama will then party like it's 2009 and fire the Blundering Pencilnecks' board and put his flunkies and cronies in charge.
At that point, the Regime would use the corpse of Blundering Pencilnecks to purchase the deep water rigs that were abandoned due to Chairman Obama's ill-advised moratorium. With that, the Big Mommy Regime would control a great deal of energy production in the United States. Energy prices will skyrocket as Congress would then realize they could use this control of oil as a tax. What's that you say ? We need more turtle tunnels in Florida ? We'll raise the price of gas half a penny. You're right! We should build more fish ladders in California! We'll raise gas prices by half a penny. What's that you, say ? Socialized medicine is failing ? No problem, we'll raise gas prices by a dollar or two. No one will even know that we did it.
I don't know about you, but I'm fairly certain the Big Mommy Regime is not up to the task of handling this situation in a rational manner. As John Stossel has recently pointed out, the government can't even count votes accurately. How can they possibly handle an industry ? These are the same folks who can't deliver mail. These are the same folks who gave us Amtrak. These are the same folks who count jobs that were created in imaginary Congressional districts. These are the same folks who exposed countless veterans to hepatitis and AIDS in filthy and poorly run VA hospitals. Clearly, this is a Gang That Will Never Shoot Straight. Bomb shelters, crisis gardens, and liquidating all of your assets and buying gold from Goldline has never seemed more logical, has it ?
God help us all.

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