Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The New Newspeak Dictonary

In George Orwell's novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, (Yes, that again. I daresay that it's closer than ever.) he introduced the concept of "newspeak", in which Big Brother controlled the denizens of Oceania by controlling their speech. Forget banning Free Speech, that's too much work, why not simply destroy words ? Create new ones ?

Our Progressivevik friends have been up to this for years, by screeching like rats with inflamed hemorrhoids when certain words were spoken. Certain words were now verboten like Founding Fathers, God, superior, victory, failure, socialism, Constitution, and Limabugh. Anyone caught using those words, and not the approved replacements like secular humanist founders, mother earth, exploitation, bailout, spreading the wealth around, useless hemp paper, and Cross Burner, you're likely to be sent to the Ministry of Love to be cured, or at very least be called a teabagging Nazi bigot homophobe who read Liberal Fascism at Walmart because you would never visit the eco-friendly library.

Well, I'm just as good at making words as the Overbearing Opposition. Below is a few examples from the Conservative Newspeak Dictionary, not in alphabetical order, mind you, since I'm an illiterate teabagger, right, Frank Witch ? Moron Dowd ?

Nostrilling-- The act of shoving your nose where it doesn't belong, like Henry Waxman, who has very large nostrils to say the least. See how Inner Party member Waxman demanded proof from those greedy CEO's that Obamacare would bankrupt them ? That's nostrilling.

Obamacareless-- A reckless wealth redistribution scheme that's completely unconstitutional and our President could care less. Obamacareless!

Yes We Can!-- A fascist war cry shouted by the Legislative Branch after they shove through legislation that no one in their right mind wants or needs. Can we rip the Constitution into tiny pieces ? Yes We Can! Can we off Grandma without sending her to Auschwitz but make it look we're trying to save money ? Yes We Can! Can we ban salt ? Yes We Can! Can we turn the United States into a third rate socialist banana republic ? Yes We Can! Can we take over student loans, banks, car manufacturers, and financial services companies and pretend it's not socialism ? Yes We Can! Can we stifle the opposition with the Fairness Doctrine ? Yes We Can!

Gay Rights-- Something far more important, than, oh, I don't know, than a fetus's right not be murdered by a vacuum cleaner.

The Lie/ False Religion of Global Warming-- A bizarre religion that involves bizarre poetry by its high priest Al Snore. An article of faith in this religion requires the adherent to believe that the earth has a fever in the middle of the most vicious winter in years.

Big Mommy-- A sinister form of fascist government that runs your life for you for your own good. Keep in mind, it may be construed as racist if you call minority politicians Big Brother, leading to a possible hate crime indictment. Watch what you think, Comrade. Some thoughts are illegal now, and you certainly wouldn't want to commit a thoughtcrime would you ?

As we can see, we can all make up words or change definitions. It's not hard. After all Rachel Maddcow did with the word teabagger, despite her amoeba like intellect.

Yes We Can, indeed.

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