Saturday, December 5, 2009

Love & Economics

Recently, Chairman Obama had a job summit to boost his sagging poll numbers. During this photo op, he called for new ideas for creating jobs.
Being a patriotic American, I am heeding our Dear Leader's call for assistance. (No, I promise one of the ideas isn't "resign and take Joe Biden back to the loony bin". While I'm sure that would create a bull market that would dwarf anything Ronald Reagan ever could have hoped for, I realize that it would be as likely as Chris Matthews being coherent for an hour.)
Well, Presidente, since you're a busy man surrending in Afghanistan and throwing the troops in Iraq under the bus, I'll keep it short and sweet. If you're really interested in not being remembered as the worst President of all time--
It's not too late to turn this thing around. After all, Reagan had to clean up after Jimmy Carter, who handed him a steaming pile of horse puckey. He had some rough times, to be sure, in fact, his unemployment numbers were similiar to yours. Did he shred the Constitution to do it ? No. Did he quadruple the national debt and call it progress ? No. Did he pretend to be God Almighty ? No. Reagan's plan was simple and idiot proof. He cut taxes and got the hell out of the way. American ingenuity and rugged individualism took care of the rest. Reagan realized that more government is never the answer, it's the beginning of more problems.
A great economy is like a hot, steamy romance. You can't force it. You have to let it happen naturally on its own.
You see Presidente, when you try to artificially try to make someone love you, it fails. You can give her all the gifts in the world, sparing no expense whatsoever, but you can never trick her into loving you. Same thing with an economy. You can throw away as much money as you want on "stimulus" plans and "omnibus" plans, but the only thing that you'll end up growing is government and debt. Ask your new friends in Russia. They'll be the first ones to tell you that having the government in charge of the economy is a terrible idea. When a government tries to run an economy it is doomed for failure because governments don't have the drive businesses do: the magical lure of profit. That first big profit is as magical as that first kiss. You always want to come back for more.
For example, in your job summit, you blither about "moving foward"  on "an agressive agenda for energy efficiency and weatherization." You're trying too hard to get her to love you, Dear Leader. You can't lie to her, either. See, if solar panels and windfarms were even remotely profitable, they would have been all over place by now. By your own admission, weatherization and the rest of the eco-pixie dust
you've been peddling is not new technology, it's failed technology. No one wants it. I'm certain you're familiar with the terms "supply and demand". I know you went to schools that are way to left of Hugo Chavez, but I'm fairly certain you've heard of the terms. (And no, having Al Gore and the rest of his "scientist" friends at East Anglia cook up phony global warming numbers will not create demand, either.)
Just like the girl of your dreams, an economy does not like to insulted. Just like wooing that special someone, you have to woo an economy, too. For example, you get nowhere saying she looks fat today, just like you get nowhere calling profits greedy. Every time you reach into your Little Red Book and start spewing socialist propaganda, like saying you're raising taxes to help spread the wealth around, you're giving every rational person with a functioning brain yet another reason to keep their money under their mattress and not in the economy. In short, you have to tell her what she wants to hear, and if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.
I swear to Mother Earth, Presidente, it's that easy.

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