Saturday, November 7, 2009

What Would You Do, Smarty Pants ?

Recently, a jobless Obama drone asked me this question: "All of you Conservatives do is whine ! What would you do if you were in Washington ?" Briefly, I was impressed at this show of near mammal intelligence. "Well, I'd cut--" "No! No! Can't mention taxes or healthcare!" the drone cried. Now that's interesting, I thought. What would I do ?

Here's my answers :

If I were President, I'd get rid of the Department of Energy which creates no energy. I'd give the death penalty to the Department of Education that doesn't teach children, say adios to the EPA since each state has its own environmental agencies. When I submit my budget to Congress, I simply wouldn't fund any of the agencies. If the left started its hysterics, I would threaten to veto any bill that hit my desk until my budget was passed. If that didn't penetrate their thick skulls, I'd inform the left that I was more than willing to let the federal government grind to a halt until I got my way. I would actually add a czar--The Kill Useless Departments and Waste Czar. Bottom line, I would have the states fend for themselves and let states handle things on a local level the way the Founders intended.

If I were President, my next act would be to dissolve the relationship between the United States and the UN. Clearly, the UN is a complete and total failure and is eating away at the sovereign power of the United States. Our allies wouldn't change and neither would our relationships with our trading partners. I would be more than happy to plunge a wooden stake in the heart of that socialist beast.

If I were The House Speaker, I'd introduce a law that says any Representive under indictment or under any ethics investigation cannot participate in any votes, must step down from any chairmanships they have, and be barred from their offices in the Capitol until they're cleared of any wrong doing. If they're found innocent, they can have chairmanships back. (Really, what are the odds of any of them being found innocent ?) I'd also have introduce a law that while serving in the US Congress, if found guilty of any crime, the sentence or fine would automatically be double. The point is, if you make laws, you should have to live by them. (Crazy thought, I know.)

If I were a Supreme Court Justice, I'd vote overturn Roe V. Wade. (Let's not get into the whole thing. I'm pro life and I will not apologize for it.) I'd also begin each of my written opinions with the following words: "According to the Constitution"

If I were a lobbyist, I'd become really, really rich. Just kidding. I can't become a lobbyist because I still have a soul.

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