Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Can Solve All Of America's Problems

I have the solution to the health care mess. I have the solution to the now 10.2% unemployment problem. I have a plan to fix the auto manufacturers' problems. I can fix our nightmare deficit problem. I can even end poverty, if you want. I can do it with one word:


We're not talking about Obama's lollipops and unicorns eco-captitalism, with everyone driving those crappy Smart cars. No, I'm talking about rolling up your sleeves, reading the Wall Street Journal on the train to work capitalism. I'm talking about putting your tools on your truck while smoking a Marlboro capitalism. I'm talking about the kind of capitalism that actually lets someone save a little jingle and pack up the wife and the 2.4 kids and head to the Grand Canyon or see the Alamo kind of capitalism.

What Obama and his Merry Band of Socialists in DC fail to understand is capitalism is the engine of this country. Did Alexander Graham Bell have an UNELECTED manufacturing czar tell him how to make the first phone ? No. Did Thomas Edison have a crazed communist UNELECTED green jobs czar shrieking at him until he invented the light bulb ? Negative. Did some half cocked Stimulus plan create Microsoft ? Nope. It was the magical lure of fame and fortune that drove these folks. Were there bumps on the road ? Sure. Do ideas and enterprises fail ? Absolutely! No one ever said life was fair.

Entrepreneurs, while they chase the American Dream, come to a realization that they can't do it all themselves. They need help. They interview prospective employees. They make a decision and hire the best possible applicant. (Hey, look! I just solved unemployment!) Now, if this newly hired employee works out and does an excellent job, the entrepreneur will realize that the competition may want the employee's services, so the entrepreneur offers the employee perks, like say, a great health care plan, (Uh-oh! Health care problem solved!) or more money to stick around. (Poverty ? Solved!) As the entrepreneur becomes more and more sucessful, this process is repeated thousands of times. (Wow! I just turned poverty into prosperity! Maybe I'm the American Messiah, not you-know- who!) Note how the words "federal government" do not appear in the above story.

Now, of course, the entrepreneur needs paved roads and protection from foreign enemies to succeed, so he pays a REASONABLE tax to the government, who in turn stays out of his way and lets him succeed. Naturally, the governement, after many years of failed and useless social programs and entitlements, is in deficit hell. But since the above story was repeated hundreds of thousands of times all over the country, entrepreneurs and their employees pay REASONABLE taxes and the deficit slowly goes away. (Deficit solved!) To ensure the REASONABLE taxes stay REASONABLE, the entrepreneurs and their employees use common sense while selecting memebers of the government. Then with all the country's problems solved, they all lived happily ever after.

Really, it's that simple. I promise.

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