Saturday, October 3, 2009

How To Make Liberals Vomit

Recently, alleged frog murderer and political commentator Glenn Beck released a fabulous book called Arguing With Idiots. It's witty. It's hilarious. It fails to do one thing, however. It fails to give one liners to end all discussions when the liberal is forced to upchuck his tofu.

Here's a few of my favorites:

"All of you conservatives are nothing more than Archie Bunkers!"

Vomit inducer: "You say Archie Bunker like it's a bad thing." (I'm not a racist, calm down.)

"You oppose Obama because he's black."

Vomit inducer: "I guess the folks who voted for Obama BECAUSE he's black are living Dr. King's dream, eh ?"

"We have to pass Cap and Trade! It will save our planet from climate change!"

Vomit inducer: "Maybe Al Gore needs to have another speech in a snow storm to convince me about the dangers of global warming." OR
"Whatever happened to the coming Ice Age scam you liberals cooked up in the '70's ?" OR "You do realize Al Gore majored in journalism and not science in college, right ?"

"Meat is murder!"

Vomit inducer:"Funny how Adolf Hitler thought the same thing." (Yup. The man responsible for the deaths of over 60 million people was a committed vegan.)

"If we get the guns out of people's hands, there will be less crime!"

Vomit inducer:"I'm quite certain criminals will put their guns down the moment the government says so."

"The government will do a much better job with health care than the greedy private sector."

Vomit inducer: "Just like the great job they did with Hurricane Katrina." OR "Just like the great job the post office does."

"You should fall in line with the President. You claim to be a patriot but all you people do is attack the President."

Vomit inducer: "Wasn't the liberal mantra for the last eight years 'dissent is patriotic!' ?"

"The Republican party is in bed with corporations and doesn't care about the little guy!"

Vomit inducer: "Wasn't it the democrats who coined the phrase 'too big to fail' as they handed out zillions of dollars to AIG and car companies ?" OR "Which party wants to cut Medicare and which party wants to save it ?"

"The stimulus is working! It saved the country from a depression."

Vomit inducer: "I'm sure the 2.8 million people who lost their jobs since it was rammed through Congress would disagree."

"We've never had a President as smart or as eloquent as Obama. We have a genius in the White House."

Vomit inducer:" No, we have a guy who doesn't speak Austrian, wants to visit all 57 states, and makes fun of the Special Olympics on late night TV."


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