Monday, July 11, 2011

A Public Service Announcement

Your Friendly Neighborhood Right Wing Extremist had a very bad week.

I had the misfortune of suffering a TIA, a transient ischemic attack. (Also known as a mini-stroke.)

While spewing venom at the traitorous, godless Left, I developed a sever headache, as if I had watched a Chris Matthews marathon on PMSNBC. The left side of my face began to droop like the economy and I began to develop double vision. I also began sweating profusely, like Anthony Weiner under intense questioning. My darling and very patient wife dragged me to the emergency room, where it was discovered that my blood pressure was almost as high as the national debt. Luckily, I didn't have a full stroke. (In other words, my brain didn't have a 2008-like meltdown.) The ER doc's gave me an IV of some sort and staved off utter disaster. (It was as if my brain was the recipient of a large tax cut.)

All kidding aside, a TIA is a very serious matter. Get immediate help if you experience the following:

"A TIA is different from a stroke. However, the symptoms of TIA are the same as the symptoms of a stroke and include the sudden development of:
  • Muscle weakness of the face, arm, or leg (usually only on one side of the body)
  • Numbness or tingling on one side of the body
  • Trouble speaking or understanding others who are speaking
  • Problems with eyesight (double vision, loss of all or part of vision)
  • Changes in sensation, involving touch, pain, temperature, pressure, hearing, and taste
  • Change in alertness (sleepiness, less responsive, unconscious, or coma)
  • Personality, mood, or emotional changes
  • Confusion or loss of memory
  • Difficulty swallowing
  • Difficulty writing or reading
  • Lack of coordination and balance, clumsiness, or trouble walking
  • Abnormal sensation of movement (vertigo) or dizziness
  • Lack of control over the bladder or bowels
  • Inability to recognize or identify sensory stimuli (agnosia)"

Remember Patriots: You can't fight off the Heathen Left if you're a drooling mess (like Barney Fwank) in Depends or six feet under.

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