Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Strange Bedfellows Indeed

Jimmy and Vivian appeared to be soulmates. They both felt that they met the ever so elusive "special someone". On their first date, they talked for hours after dinner. Neither one could wait for their second date. They constantly tweeted and texted each other as if they were teenagers with rampaging hormones. It was a match made in Heaven.

Vivian arrived at the posh French restaraunt her usual fifteen minutes late for their second date. Jimmy didn't care. He thought watching her enter a room was magical. She grinned like a cheshire cat and sat down after kissing Jimmy on the cheek.

"I hope you don't mind," Jimmy said smiling."But I ordered appetizers and a bottle of wine for us. Some Chatteau something 1984. We're also getting some duck sauteed thingie."

Vivian's heart started to race. What a gentleman! she thought. The only reason we're eating here is he knows I'm a big Top Chef fan. This guy wouldn't eat this stuff if his life depended on it.

"You know, we talked about a lot of stuff on our last date," Jimmy said as the waiter brought the appetizer. "I know you have two cats, you cry when you watch Bambi, you're a paralegal, and you broke your ankle skiing two years ago. Your favorite color is pink and you have a unicorn tattoo that I'll see when the time is right. Yet, I don't know a thing about your family. What are they like ?"

Vivian looked down. Apparently, Jimmy struck a nerve.

"Hey look. My family is a little crazy, too. I have this uncle Howard who's a little nuts. Whenever he's a in a large crowd, he yells 'YEAH!' at the top of his lungs. Maybe he has Tourrette's, I dunno. My mom, Joy ? She's a nut, too. All the the kids in the neighborhood call her 'Joyless'. "

"Well, okay. You have to promise that you'll still think the same of me after I tell you."

"Hey, if it isn't obvious, I'm crazy about you. Relax, Viv. Tell me all about it."

Vivian put her manicured hand on Jimmy's hand. She took a deep breath. Jimmy sensed that the subject was uncomfortable, but if this was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with, there had to be no secrets between them.

"Well...I have three brothers, all older than me. I don't know my parents all that well. After I was born, my mother changed her name to Moon Blossom and moved out to California to find herself. She died of a heroin overdose when I was eight. My father is on death row in Texas. When my mother was pregnant with me, my dad broke into a house and murdered a family of four. He claimed he was insane at the time, but the jury didn't buy it. Me and my brothers were raised for a while by my grandparents, until we found out that Grandpa was actually a Nazi war criminal. He died in a Soviet prison camp after he was arrested. Grandma killed herself soon after that. While cleaning out her closet, I found letters she sent to Grandpa during the war. It turns out she was sabotaging the war effort at the munitions plant she working at. Me and my brothers bounced around foster homes until we aged out of the system. My oldest brother, Chase, is homeless. Currently, he lives in a park in San Francisco at last check. My brother Damien is on death row in Texas, too. He got high on meth and killed the male prostitute he was with. Finally, we have Matt. Matt...I don't know how to say this...was the male prostitute Damien killed in Texas."

Jimmy didn't say much other than "yes" or "no" for the rest of the dinner. He barely made eye contact with Vivian. When they were finished eating, Jimmy drove Vivian home, claimed he couldn't "come upstairs for coffee" because he had an "early meeting" the next day. Vivian never heard from Jimmy again.


I swear to God there's a point to this story. Really, I promise.

We could say that Vivian is like what our Dear Leader, Barack Obama, was like during the '08 Popularity Contest. The BarackStar, like the fictional Vivian, was a witty conversationalist. He was easy on the eyes, (Just ask Chris Matthews.), and he made hearts race. (Again, just ask Chris Matthews.) He was also tight-lipped about his past, just like the fictional Vivian.

We could also say the majority of Americans during the '08 Popularity Contest were like the pre-revelation Jimmy. Sure, a couple of voices like Michelle Malkin and Sean Hannity tried to expose the real Chariman Obama, pointing out his past associations with terrorists like Bernadine Dohrn and Bill Ayers. However, Obamamania was stronger than Hulkamania and their voices were drowned out by the lamestream media and their willing Hollywood accomplices, like Oprah Winfrey and Sarah Jessica Parker.

2009 was like the fictional Vivian revealing her past. In 2009, we learned all about Chairman Obama's socialist ties to the Tides Foundation, the Democratic Socialists of America, and how our Dear Leader was a Alinsky trainer for the Con Artists Formerly Known As ACORN. We also learned that the Failed Messiah had some interesting friends and associates, like ReichsFuhrer Cass Sunstein, our UNELECTED Regulatory Czar who wants animals to have the "right" to sue humans. We also met UNELECTED Manufacturing Czar Ron Bloom who claimed that all political power comes from a gun and that the free market is "nonsense". Last and cetainly least, who could forget Van Jones, the disgraced UNELECTED Green Jobs Czar ? These and many other associates, like Andy Stern, the "former" head of SEIU who claimed "Workers of the world unite...It's not just a slogan anymore." These folks, and many others, are like Vivvian's weird brothers.

As the Midterm Elections loom closer and closer, we have to ask ourselves: As Americans, are we the Jimmy in love or are we the Jimmy who had an "early meeting" ? The point is this: We have had stunning revelation after stunning revelation during the first two years of Imam Obama's Reign of Incompetent Terror. The Failed Messiah isn't mystery meat anymore. We know what he is. We know what he's up to. Why on God's green, and not to mention, cooling earth would we enable him by giving him more power by leaving Congress in his hands ?

C'mon, America. Let's tell Barry we have an "early meeting". Let's all channel our inner post revelation- Jimmy. If we don't, well--

God help us all.

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