Sunday, March 14, 2010

Big Mommy Is Watching You!

To the future or to the past, to a time when I could put as much salt on my food as I desire, when women had real breasts and could smile--to a time when saccharine does not exist: From the age of overbearing edicts, from the age of the Salt Police, from the age of Big Mommy, from the age of politicalcorrectthink--greetings!

Recently, the Big Mommy regime in everyone favorite socialist dystopia known as New York has decided to ban salt.

That's right. The state of New York, billions of dollars in debt with a governor who has the ethics of a feral alley cat, has decided that stopping salt intake was a top priority.

On March 5, when the clocks were all striking thirteen, Brooklyn Assemblyman Felix Ortiz (Do I really need to say what party this guy is from ? I'll give you a hint: It's the same party as Big Mommy himself, Chairman Obama.) put through an edict known as A101029 that would ban salt in the preparation of food in restaurants all over the Galactic Empire State. Food preparation was DEFINED, yes Big Mommy wants to define what that means so it's crystal clear, as food meant for consumption on the premises or consumption off premises (AKA--YOUR HOME). Big Mommy has threatened a $1,000 fine for every infraction.

Where does this end ? They control our money and take whatever they deem necessary. They control our education. They want to decide who will live and who will die. They want us use approved light bulbs and approved toilets. They want to decide who is and who is not a journalist. They want meters to see how much energy we use IN OUR OWN HOMES. They want to control the internet. They want to know what your race is, how many times a week you get drunk and high. (I did not make that up. In Buffalo, Stimulus dollars were set on fire to study this. Don't bother to google it. Only in America can such stupidity be possible.) Honest to The Big Conservative Upstairs, I think I'd rather have Big Brother running the show than Big Mommy.

See, Progressiveviks, even junior ones like this Ortiz character, always say it's for "public safety" , "public health" or my personal favorite, "the common good". There's never any regard for personal freedom or personal responsibility. God is dead and the Progressiveviks are next in line. With everyone of their maternal Big Mommy hugs, a little more of our freedom dies. What will we do when meat is next ? Meat clogs arteries, right ? What if they decide we're not exercising enough and put forth a mandatory morning exercise regimen, with some party hag leading the way, like in Nineteen Eighty-Four ? What would have never passed the laugh test five years ago is dangerously close to becoming reality.

But who are we to blame ? We can't just blame the Progressiveviks. After all, we knew they were power hungry fascists going in. We must look in the mirror to find the truly guilty party. We, the American people, are at fault.

I won't insult your intelligence and say I'm not indicted by that last statement. I'm sitting in the prisoner's dock right along with everyone else. I stand before you guilty on all counts. I voted for George Bush twice. I cheered for the Patriot Act. I thought Bush's Medicare Part D was right on the money. I was a Republican drone who at one point had no idea what a Progressive was, even though it was right before my eyes. Two or three years ago, if I bothered to buy a newspaper, I kept the sports page and threw away the rest. I fell right into their hands, willfully. It's as if I plucked out my own eyes to be part of the blinded herd.

See, one thing we have got to move past, and quickly, is the fascination with parties and really examine who we're sending to our state capitals and the District of Communism. What should matter is Right and left. Believe me, fellow victims, there is very little tangible difference between the Donkey and the Elephant. What should matter is whether or not the candidate is a Progressivevik or a Conservative. Progressiveviks are the ones making the big promises. Progressiveviks are the ones who want to give lollipops and kittens to everyone. A true Conservative makes no such promises, since he already knows you can't create Heaven on Earth, even if it has been scientifically proven to be cooling. A true Conservative promises to protect your freedoms, which I believe, is far more important than lollipops and kittens and hugs from Big Mommy. We can never have the power to succeed if we never have the freedom to fail.

Under the spreading Chestnut Tree,

I salted my food and you ratted on me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love your website, is about the funniest anti obama parody site i have seen. this anti-Salt thing is particularly funny...