New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year again: time for New Year's Resolutions. I, your humble Right Wing Extremist blogger, have some resolutions to make, and I swear (not affirm) to God Almighty that I am going to see them through. No, we're not going to blab about losing weight, quitting smoking, or swearing, either. (You want that, go to Oprah or Dr. Phil.)

Resolution #1: I will not vote for anyone who has new ideas.

Now, I understand that plays right into the stereotype MSNBC and their lackeys have of Conservatives, but really, haven't we had enough of new ideas ? Every time a politician has a new idea, it ends up costing me more money and usually fails. Let's see: We had FDR and the New Deal that was a stinker, (along with Social Security), We had LBJ and his Great Society Blunder (great call on Medicaid, huh ?), The Peanut Farmer and his Department of Education (You know, the one that churns out high school graduates that are academically inferior to Slovakian graduates.), and Medicare Part D that George Bush pretended was a Conservative idea.

The point is : We don't need any more ideas from these people. If you remove Michele Bachmann, Marsha Blackburn, Ron Paul, and Tom Coburn from CONgress and added up everyone else's IQ, you'd get a shoe size. What we need are elected officials who actually understand what powers the Constitution gives them and what the Constitution forbids them from doing. Think of the federal government as board game and the Constitution is rules printed on the inside of the top of the box. The Founding Fathers were the game's designers and I'm fairly certain they would want the rules followed, that's why they took those feather pens and wrote like demons, right ?

Resolution #2: I will have my own section in Media Matters.

This one I need some help on, folks. I will consider 2010 a banner year if those leftist dorks at Media Matters give me my own section where they try to disprove my righteousness. I'm at my happiest when liberal crybabies are throwing up their lattes in angst, so help me become viral on the web, folks! (By all means, check out my website at www.absolutelynobama.com)

The point is: I want to prove to those liberal dolts that they're outnumbered and the ice is getting thin under their feet. (And it will have nothing to do with imaginary Global Warming, either.)

Resolution #3: I will ratchet up my criticism of Chairman Obama and his socialist agenda.

I have been too easy on the guy, right ?

Alright folks, 2010 is here! Let's give the commies a year they'll never, ever forget!